The Top 10 Steps to Becoming Irresistibly Attractive

This piece was originally created by Thomas J. Leonard, Founder, Coach University Copyright 97, 98, 99, 00, 2001 CoachVille.

It's about time we all stop chasing after success and start attracting it. To be irresistibly attractive means to live your life such that you draw to you all that is positive. In other words, you stop pushing yourself and start living a life that is designed by its very nature to bring you what you are ready for. This top 10 list will help you get started.

1. Don't need much.
If you need something, usually it will run away/escape you. Get your personal and financial needs met first and you'll find yourself attracting vs. seducing.

2. Think big, really big.
Attraction occurs when there is a healthy vacuum between where you are and what you want to have happen. The wider the gap, the greater the pulling power of attraction.
 
3. Eliminate the holes in your life.
Where are you being depleted? By whom? Plug those holes by extending boundaries, raising standards, resolving past issues, healing. Attraction won't find you until you're ready. Get ready. 
 

4. Pay attention to what's happening to/around you RIGHT NOW.
Attraction LIVES in the moment, not in the future. Are you responding fully to both the problems and the opportunities that are occurring -- in force -- right now, in your space? Gotta start here, where attraction can find you.

5. Learn from people who are naturally attractive.
Some people are; some people aren't. Hang out with those who are and emulate them. And ask for help. They'll be happy to tell you how it works. Just be ready to make changes in your thinking, assumptions, actions and behavior.
 

6. Increase your awareness.
Sounds trite, but it's necessary. Attraction is a subtle phenomenon. You won't feel it or get it until you've increased your awareness of yourself,
those around you, how you think, your life assumptions.
 

7. Add value to whomever or whatever you encounter.
We all have something to add. Add it. If you don't have enough to add, learn a new skill. When you ADD what you have to other's lives, whether they are clients, friends, potential customers, or family, YOU become much more attractive.
 

8. Tell the truth.
This means more than not lying. There is a level of telling the truth that will truly set you free and attract others to you. And, there is a way to tell the truth from a place of love vs power. Usually having awareness and advanced phrasing is what helps this process occur naturally. That, plus having enough reserve in your life so you can afford any consequences of telling the truth.
 

9. Build a reserve in all areas.
When you have enough money, time, space, love, ideas, opportunities, friends, you'll become an even stronger magnet for what you want -- because you won't NEED it. 
 

10. Do what YOU want to do in life.
We've all been overly influenced by shoulds, oughts and have-to's. So much so that what you/we want to do has been suppressed WAY down deep. 
 

Do You Put Yourself First?
Adapted from the article, "You Come First, Others Come 2nd, Results Come 3rd. Circumstances Don't Even Rank." By Thomas Leonard

Looking for an easier life surrounded by people who love you and be awash in rewarding successes?

Well who isn't?

The purpose of the article is singular. That is to ask you to put yourself, others, and results, in an order which brings out the best in everyone without grinding effort extraordinary results might usually require.

You, others, results. Are you willing to be selfish?
 

There are many wonderful people who try too hard to produce too much without enough of their own needs being met.

America has always been a production, results-oriented society, even Darwinian in attitude (if not by design). To that end, the notions of working hard past the point of suffering and the no pain/no gain and second best is last admonishments have become formulas for success rather than sideline cheers of encouragement.

And while individuality is a cornerstone of our democracy and free enterprise system, no one bothered to remind us that getting more didn't mean having enough.

How about putting yourself first, not your family or friends, your company or career, your possessions or accomplishments? Just you. Simple, human, fragile you.

Who is you? Your needs, your heart, your health, your intellect, your gifts, your talents, your love, your willingness, your passions, your pleasure.

Oh. And how does one do this exactly?

Better to ask, "How am I not putting my-self first?"

Self-ish isn't Selfish
 

Are you hesitant to put yourself first because this might seem that you don't care for others or you are not a great parent or you suck everyone dry or you put others second?

If you are concerned how this looks or what it says about you, it's important then for you to understand the distinction between self-ish and selfish.

Selfish is what we call someone who doesn't think of another's needs or concerns, just about one's own. This kind of selfishness is considered an example of immaturity, a me-me-me-me-ness. One who is selfish needs attention, complains, whines if they don't get it, and really doesn't have the time, space or inclination to bother with others' concerns. For them life is about being selfish. And yes, this is generally a busy, but unfulfilling life. A better word for selfish is egoish - the person panders to his/her ego.

Now self-ish. Most coaches hold the view that one's self is one's higher self - the source of life, happiness, natural growth and contribution. The kind of care that this self requires takes on the nature of an investment. Our selves need certain things and conditions to stay viable. And when our selves are viable, the self contributes.

So, what kind of care does our self need?

The Care of Self
 
Our selves need the following to be in great shape:
1. Our needs must be met. (Needs are those things we must have to be our personal best-e.g. to be treasured, to be listened to, to be responsible)
2. We need to be with like-minded selves, not egoists. A self is not viable unless surrounded by other selves.
3. We need reserve. We need extra money, vitality, time, ideas and communication to be our best selves. (A self can get by on less, but without a reserve, it tends to slip back into the ego)
4. We need boundaries to protect our selves in an ego world.
5. We need a vision to give our selves something worth doing.

All About Others
 

Who, exactly is others? Is it everyone? Is it my friends or family? Is it the world? Is it who comes into my life?

At recent count, you've got 6 billion choices to make, so here are some labels to help you establish exactly who you are putting second (and who isn't even under consideration). You will change these groupings and the people within these groupings over time.

These are in no order:
• Immediate family
• Relatives
• Colleagues
• Friends
• Acquaintances
• Co-workers

Now what?
 

Identify the 10 people in your life who fit the following statement:

The following are people who I have chosen to be in my life for the rest of my life. They measurably add to my life at no cost to their own. They allow me to contribute and love them. I don't wonder if they'll hurt me. I take their counsel when offered. I accept what they give me. My face lights up when I see them. I do not try to change them. I love them as they are. They are a part of my future ad of my present and I am a part of theirs. I live "with" them.

Make a commitment to putting yourself first. Surround yourself only with these individuals who willingly support you. You deserve it.